Day 4 – What are you afraid of?
I’m afraid of two things – Poverty and dying and missing my children’s big milestones
I’m not sure exactly why I am scared of poverty. I’ve been there and I survived. Raised by a single mom, my father absent, I remember mixing powdered milk with real milk to make it last longer – what amazing grilled cheese sandwiches could be made with government cheese and peanut butter in 10lb cans. There was always food in the house and clothes on our back. And Grandma would bring over cans of pickled beets, stewed tomatos, and something she called vegetable soup – the ingredients were never the same twice.
After my divorced at 23, I lived on AFDC(welfare) while I went to school, my daughter was 2. She walked with me when I graduated and got my diploma. I figured that she had given up as much for my success as I had. I slept on an old mattress on the floor and used student loan money to see that she had a bed. Our couch and dresser came from the dumpster on campus. That first Christmas there wouldn’t have been much if a local non profit hadn’t given her gifts. We made bows and sachets for the tree out of ribbon and potpourri from the dollar store. And Sarah chose the menu for Christmas dinner – hot dogs and popcorn!
Some of my best memories are of ‘making it work’ with little or nothing – when splitting a Happy Meal at McDonald was a dinner out and a 50% off sale was like winning the lottery! I still love a great deal 😉 So why, when there is so much sweetness in the memories is there still the fear? Maybe it’s primal. Maybe it’s because I’m a mom and taking care of my kids has always been the driving force behind everything I do.
Whatever it is, its been one heck of a great ride!